The way that I am : Diara’s Diary

Lately life has given me a lot of lemons lately. Green, unripe, sour lemons –and I can’t even make lemons from them.

I feel like I am losing myself. But I will be okay.

This is the way that I am .This is my ballad… my prose …

“I thought I could do it by myself, so I freed myself from his arms and left the warmness of his presence to chase the bogeyman with a wishbone and a stick. After all I was a varsity student-so I had to be a little bit smarter if I had managed to make it to varsity. I didn’t say goodbye or ‘pamusoroi ‘: I just left with a luggage of curiosity and a ticket of indecisiveness .Now, I am trying to crawl back to his arms, be embraced and I want the honor of being called ‘his’.

I was a varsity student!

I was twenty-two

I was just the BC (born Christian)

I was determined to change my good girl image (sigh), after all it was varsity (freedom).

 

I remember wiggling my butt all night, at all the parties on campus. Drank like my addicted father who drank like a fish and I forgot to take my devotional and attend church. My pastor tried to tell me that I was headed for a free fall and cheeky ball growing (I grew balls big for my petite self) me talked back and sulked a little. I was a pushover and an innocent little red riding hood was pushed aside paving way to big bad me.

There was times when I would sit on my college-provided spring bed and think of the closeness we once had but the world seemed so fun and enjoyable. Assignments would get tough ,friends would betray me and I would wake up filled with sadness and so I drowned my uneasiness ,fears into the brown bottle and the arms of Tom, harry and Justin. I confided in people who I thought were my friends but turned out to be the evil step sisters –I was lost at sea and with no lighthouse nearby.

I wonder if he will take me back. Is there room in his arms for me?

 

To be continued