Part of me is adjusting fast and I’m falling in love with her even more every day. That phobia I once had to connect with someone is gone. She feels safe enough to fall in love with, my heart isn’t a vacuum anymore. I understand what true emotions are. (exhale) I can finally let go and breakdown all my walls. She deserves the real me no filter. I know I’m not perfect but I feel I can grow and find myself in her.
Today, we went to mass together. I was a little shy when I met her mother. Scared too because I wasn’t sure how she will perceive me. I am after all the stranger who just stole her daughters heart. “Am I safe or will I get the mother’s speech.” Yes these thoughts circulate multiple times in my head as we drive to church.
We are both catholic so that’s an upside, at least there’s a similarity here. Religion is usually quite conflicting in love but Thank God that we are here. It just goes to show that her and i are meant to be.
Yes, no need for a court wedding we will be joined in holy matrimony.
All these thoughts cross my mind, fortunately no one can hear them (sigh of relief). They might find me a little weird. I’m also a little scared that she might think we are rushing into things I mean we just started dating “yesterday.” and yet for some odd reason I’m so certain about it all.
So from today I will start something new. Each experience with my love will be labeled with every emotion I feel at that point in time and this will be called ‘Naming Emotions’.
I hope she won’t find it weird that I do that. I admit I’m a little weird but I’m proud because despite all this I’ve found my soul mate.
Finally at church, the ride was not as awkward as I thought it would be. I actually felt good, not freaked out. It helped that she kept looking back and giving me a smile of reassurance that I was safe. I swear I’m in love with her.
I’m saving this story for the kids I’m sure they would love to know how their dad felt the day he met their grandmother.
It would probably start with, “you should have seen how I maintained my cool.” ” Your dad has always been the captain of cool.” They would probably laugh and debate with me about it because I think I will still be nervous around their grandmother.
We made sure we sat away from her mother. This was an us moment. Lord forgive me for what I’m about to say; I was not focused one bit on Mass. I know I get distracted sometimes but at this point in your house I took time to appreciate her beauty, at least it was in the comfort of your home, safe enough with your approval. Her hand felt warm, gentle and kind. I felt secure and every part of me knew that this was it.
I remember how I had multiple silent prayers thanking you God. I mean it was on that day that we both finally said I love you to each other. The morning after our official dating began. So twice a year I will celebrate our anniversary and the day after. See how weird I am. (giggle)
Anyway, i know I’m awesome (laugh) When you read that part you will laugh then smile and agree with me.
After mass we walked together back to the car holding hands again. To be young and in love. Perfect.
“We may never know why or truly understand love but in each other all will make sense”. Mandla Ginger.
I want you to be forever mine and mine alone because the moment I look into your eyes my life, experiences, trials and tribulations make perfect sense. I had to go through all that coal to finally find my one diamond. And because my past was a learning curve i learnt how to appreciate you more and love you better.
The risk of love is scary. Your brain says hold back and your heart says give in. But with every risk we may either learn from it or earn from it. At least that’s my theory but with us. I do both.